Asinine Catchphrases Retards Online (Namely You) May Speak

You know what I’m talking about: omg, lol, omglol, etc – I mean… et cetera. Centuries of developing the English language has been pwned by a couple of n00bs on teh interbutt. Webster, Compton and Oxford undoubtedly writhe in their graves every time my bff jill come on.

lol, rofl, roflmao

Exactly how funny does something need to be in order to warrant an “lol”? At what point does something become funny enough that it becomes worthy of a “rofl” ? Are “rofl”s “ol”? If not, then how come no one every “roflol”s? Then there’s “roflmao” – for when something is so funny that even “rofl” just won’t cut it anymore.

By the way, if “rofl” is supposed to be short for “rolling on the floor laughing”, then shouldn’t it be “roTfl”? Where’s the T? If you claim that the T isn’t included in the acronym because it’s only a minor word, then why is the O for “on” not also excluded? It should either be “rfl” or “rotfl”. As it stands, “rofl” makes less sense than the nonsense it already makes.

“lol” was originally devised as a way to emote laughter, but it’s since lost what little meaning it had, and nowadays it’s nothing more than an empty automated conversation filler, like “o”, “i c”, and “that sux”:

Her: i have lung cancer…
Me: lol
Her: it’s not funny
Me: o
Her: the doctor says i only have 3 months…
Me: i c
Her: i’m going to DIE and that’s all you have to say??
Me: that sux
Her: …
Me: lol

And I don’t know how “lollercoaster” came about… but it makes me rofl as much as it makes me RAGE at the same time.

n e wayz

The “abbreviated” form of “anyways”. Okay, you can’t call something an abbreviation when it’s LONGER than the fucking word it’s supposed to be shortening. “n e wayz” is one keystroke longer than “anyways”, so essentially, you are going out of your way to look like a retard.

And replacing S’s with Z’s – I never understood that. It doesn’t make you whimsical and quirky… it makes you dyslexic.

w/e, b/c, d/c

The first time I saw these three, I thought it was some sort of fucking math equation.

Have we stooped so low that we’re actually abbreviating singular, individual words now?

What’s next - are we gonna start abbreviating 3-letter words?!

y, r, u

Fuck!