I believe that when we die… we die, simple as that. We go as frivolously as we came. I understand that the concept isn’t easy to accept, but reality often isn’t. However, many people are unable to accept the notion of death, and so they turn to irrational superstitions to explain the unexplainable. Religion; it’s simply a placeholder for the unknown, a substitute for understanding.

Now I know my last entry was also about religion, but it’s something that’s always kinda bugged the shit out of me, even as a kid. I never believed in the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny, so it should come as no surprise that I never really believed in God or Satan either. On the same note, I never believed in Neverland or Santa’s Workshop, so I never bought into Heaven or Hell. I’m still reserving judgment on Humpty Dumpty and the Land of Oz though.

Speaking of buying into Heaven… whatever happened to indulgences? Remember those? An indulgence was a piece of paper that the Church commissioned that supposedly pardoned you from your sins – for a price, of course. The more you paid, the more God was willing to look the other way… like a police bribe. I wonder how much it would’ve cost Hitler to pay off the Holocaust.

The Church gradually discontinued issuing indulgences once it was discovered that they were being sold by con artists posing as holy men (besides the priests, that is). Personally, I suspect that the real reason the Church stopped selling them was because they were afraid that people were beginning to catch on that they were being scammed. Nevertheless, for those who did buy them, they still served their purpose – to grant peace of mind. That’s all Heaven is; peace of mind – the false guarantee that your soul will be safe after your body has gone.

Heaven and Hell are both propagated by the same organization. Hell wouldn’t exist for you if the Church never tricked you into believing in it, and you wouldn’t need Heaven if there was no Hell to save you from. It’s like a clinic that gives out broken condoms and sells diapers, the condoms being Hell, and the diapers being the cure for it, Heaven. Diapers as Heaven, how fitting; two things that are completely full of shit.

As I always understood it, Heaven is a physical place that exists in the sky, above the clouds. Well, we now know that there isn’t shit up there but more clouds, so now the story is that Heaven is a metaphysical place, metaphysical meaning “hahaha, fuck you science!”.

See, back when they were making all this shit up, they had to choose a place for their make-believe fairy land – a tangible place; somewhere people could see, but not reach. The sky was perfect for this. People could believe it because they could see the clouds, the wall that supposedly separated us from Heaven. It was just barely believable, and it was safe from logic at the time because no one back then would’ve ever imagined that we would one day be able to actually see the other side. I bet the Pope must’ve shit himself once he heard about airplanes.

The concept of religion hinges solely on the basis that it can’t be unproven. Once we were able to demonstrably and conclusively prove that there wasn’t anything above the clouds, the religious folks quickly changed their tune. I’m thinking it went something like:

“Oh fuck, planes!”
“Calm the fuck down, where can we move it?”
“Pluto?”
“No you fool! It’ll only be a matter of time before they’re able to go there too!”
“I know! Let’s say it exists on a different plane… or in the future!”
“By golly, I think you’ve got it!”

There might’ve been a few more details, but I don’t think I’m too far off.

For the sake of argument though, let’s say that Heaven does exist. What goes on there once you get in? Do you, God, and the angels just party forever? If you can only enter by not sinning, then I assume you can’t start sinning once you finally get in either. That means no snacks (gluttony) or regrettable drunken sex (lust). The only kind of music playing would be Christian rock or gospel songs, which isn’t music in the first place, and if you’re Muslim, then no booze either. What kind of fucking party is this?!

If all the sluts and drugs are down in Hell, then maybe I want a refund on the indulgence I bought.