When Diddy first debuted Making the Band 2 a couple of years back, I was an instant fan. The show featured the formation (and disformation, wtf?!) of Da Band, a rap group with quite possibly the most unoriginal band name in the history of music. Both Da Band and da show itself consisted of an eclectic mix of hookers and clowns sucking on Diddy’s nuts in an attempt to get some of that Bad Boy money.
Diddy had these motherfuckas doing all sorts of stupid shit, like walking across the city to buy him some crack-sprinkled cheesecake from Harlem or reading Russell Simmons’ autobiography in public (poor kids lost their literary virginity to a book authored by some creepy black dude with a lisp)
Though the show was entertaining for a little while, soon people began to realize that it was actually terrible as shaat. Looking back, the highlight of the whole damn thing was probably the hilarious Dave Chappelle skit it spawned. The line “Dylan spit hot faya” probably got more of a fan following than the group, the host and the show combined. Here is a bit for your viewing pleasure:
Naturally, soon enough, even Diddy got annoyed with these ass-clowns and in the finale, decided to diss da band and disband da band (see, I can spit hot faya too!) for good (thank god hallelujah praise jesus allah akbar). Though it was a great move for music, I felt robbed of hours invested into watching this horrible show.
But Diddy told us that he won’t stop, Diddy told us that he won’t stop (nuh uh, nuh uh) and neither did the Making the Band series. Seasons three and four featured the formation of Danity Kane, Day26, and Donnie Klang (wtf what a retarded-ass last name). To be honest, because R&B is not my cup of tea, I never really watched any of these shows or listened to any of these artists.
However, from what I understand, Diddy has formed three unique bands which penetrate the three unique R&B subgenres of “cumdumpster slutbags with microphones” with Danity Kane, “douchebag metrosexual lady-boys with shiny clothes” with Day26 and “Sperm Bank babies fathered by Vanilla’s Ice” with Donnie Klang (seriously, fuck his last name). I’m also not sure if it’s a mere coincidence that these three acts all start with the letter “D”, but it’s pissing me off like you wouldn’t believe.
But what I really want to talk about today is this new piece of internet garbage known as “Diddy Blog”. Diddy Blog, if you haven’t’ had a chance to check it out yet, is a frequently updated series of video blog entries from the man himself, which run on You Tube and feature Diddy schooling us on such intellectual topics as running on a treadmill (actual quote: I’m running…and like…I start to realize…um…that I’m actually runnin’…like…ten fingaz, ten toes, like…actually runnin” and bitchassness alert levels (actual quote: “bitchassness was down like 50% around the world…this just in…this jus-new statistics…it’s up like…200%”). See them both for yourself:
Overall, while these blogs are entertaining as hell to watch, they are such for all the wrong reasons. You see, Diddy Blog is entertaining for the same reason that a cracked out hobo with one leg singing “row row row your boat” is entertaining. It’s crazy and random as fuck, but you’re only watching because you don’t wanna miss it when the hobo falls on his ass and breaks his other leg. While I had my doubts before, Diddy Blog has confirmed for me that Diddy is now on the same level of craziness as this cracked out hobo.
Somebody needs to start one of them useless Facebook petitions to keep this freak show outta the internetz for good. I mean, there must be some sorta code of standards for vlogging. For instance…if you have jack all to say, you shouldn’t be allowed to video tape and upload yourself trying? Diddy needs to stick to his day job and continue doing what he loves best: ruining people’s careers.
On an unrelated side note, if you still haven’t seen it, I present for your viewing pleasure, Diddy vs. the Dog Shit *cue dramatic music*
